Wednesday, September 30, 2009

TADA

Thank you Heavenly Father for the people you send as angels and answers to prayers! Here are a few moments of growth, character building, as I like to call it.

I would like to share with you.

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A dear friend from church called me last week and she was feeling rather low. She was expressing how she did not know who she was, what she was doing and what to do about it.

I was shocked and told her I felt the same way but wanted to know what could possibly be making her feel that way. I validated her and she validated me. She said, "You always seem so put together and on top of things. How could you be like me”? WOW! I thought she had it together too!

It seems often times things are not as they appear.

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NIENIE's blog.

The entry about looking in the mirror, seeing her reflection and not recognizing it, nor did she recognize the person inside.

How could I possibly feel the same way when I have my face?

I also recall telling my sister that “ Nie’s” accident could not have happened to a better person, not that it was good to be in an accident but, because she has such strength and courage and she is sharing it with others.

Here I am, with much less of a problem and loosing ground!

It made me realize, we all have our own trials and yet we can all feel emotionally the same way about them.

It is up to us how we are going to handle them; we can exaggerate the problem or diffuse it.

I like what NieNie said on Oprah…paraphrasing of course....

“That was beautiful, and I like to think that this too is beautiful.”
 (Speaking of herself before and after the accident)

Here is a link....nieniedialouges   look up June 8, 2009      

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Then a past colleague called me.
I have not spoken with this person in a long time, but it is someone I trust and also has the same belief as me.

He said, “It doesn't sound like you".

I thought to myself, I have never felt so insecure and insignificant, a way I am not used to feeling. In the workplace, I was always confident. We talked for a while, and then he asked me some questions, thought provoking actually. He said, “How do you want things. What would you change?”

I couldn’t think of an answer, and it shook me.

He reminded me that I could still make goals and plans, even if it is just daily goals.
 What if this was just a time for internal changes, not external?
Alternatively, spiritual vs. temporal?

What? OK. I got it....and

TA DA

I can change my attitude. I can make better relationships with people, extended family, and friends.

I can let people get close to me and let go of distance. I can choose little things to work on.

By the time we were done, I felt different.

I felt sorry for having such frustrating feelings and wanted to make changes.
 It was a great feeling by the end of our conversation I was much happier.

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My Biggest Little is struggling.

"The world at her feet, but with no shoes on.” I think.

She was so melancholy. I took her to the beach.
I burned a CD full of great music and thought we could sing in the car.
Nothing. She could not sing.
She did smile,
but that was because she was embarrassed that I was singing and the Passer-Byers could see me.

We spent the weekend talking, thrift shopping, taking pictures, eating and relaxing by the beach. She felt she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. I listened to her struggles and then asked her what her desires were. As she spoke of what she wanted in the future, she started to lighten up, smile, and gain some confidence.

Since she has moved out to live with her dad while attending college, we have had very little time together. Her busy life of full time school and work and my full time motherhood of three (at home) makes it difficult to get together and even talking on the phone is scarce. I realized how important it is to listen and ask her about her dreams.

This reminds me that if you have something to look forward to, your hope increases.

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Lastly, I attended a book club.

A woman lost her child in a drowning accident.

Growing up she changed schools every year.

Her husband’s career also made their family relocate frequently.

She felt blessed that when they lost their child they lived close to family members.

She felt that she had been prepared for the moving around and then it was no accident that she was relocated close to family, not knowing that a loss was to come. This comforted her at time of grief.

I started thinking that maybe we were, where we were suppose to be.
  Maybe it is important for the growth of my son who was struggling in town?
He has gained confidence through the freedom to roam and explore.

As we struggle with the sell of our home in town, as the escrow fell through at the last moment...
waiting for the back up offer to be approved...we are grateful that even though we could not buy
that we may still be able to live here waiting to do so.

Therefore, I am grateful for the generosity of family and extended family for this home that I have come to love so much. Though it will be very sad to leave it someday. It is that I must have some other place I need to be. It also makes me think that maybe the reason we had been looking at this place for over 2 years and then finally had the opportunity to fix it up to possibly buy it, may have been just for the reason that we needed to move here to be closer to my husbands’ mom, who now, needs him. Had we moved here without fixing it up, I would have been an unhappy camper indeed. I may have seen my husband even less if we still lived in town. In addition, there was the fact that loosing my income made it difficult for us to stay in the city.

Who knows, we may renegotiate with the bank and be back there when things have calmed down. Therefore, I am OK with whatever comes next, as I know I am not in control and everything usually works out, as Heavenly Father never gives us more than we can handle.

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Through these experiences and some other more personal  ones,

I have been more relaxed this week.

I enjoy writing; it has been very therapeutic for me.

I have let my guard down; expressing many feelings, I would usually not share so publicly. I have experienced a feeling of letting go. The unknown does not seem so dismal.

I am relieved to say Let Go and Let God.




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