Friday, November 12, 2010

I had the best day with you today

My Biggest Little

 I thought I would just share something
that makes my life, 
as a mom, special.
 Some of you know that my Biggest Little was in a car accident a couple of weeks ago...
She is doing OK, except for some muscle aches and pains...and some new stresses and fears...

I brought her home to recuperate...and one morning when she was waking up , she was looking at me from her bed, and with the sweetest most wonderful smile in the world and she said..."Mom, I love you" and I just looked at her and began to cry because that was all I could see in her eyes as I looked at her...Love
... pure love. She said "don't cry...why you gonna cry?" and with that I laid down next to her in bed and held her like she was 3 and said..." I love you" 

When your Biggest is 20 and in your care after being away for awhile, it is like a motion picture of memories going through your mind....but the scenes play in fast forward motion without the remote control to pause where you would many memories....flooding in, by the touch of a cheek on your skin...

I never wanted that moment to end.

 She is gone now, back at school. Every night ends with a text to her.
                                                                                            "goodnight and I love you"
                                                 and she sends back...something..... and tonight it was....

" I love you so much. You mean the world to me".

Listen to this song...if you dare to shed a tear....

If I could write a song it would be how my children have made
 (or make)
  the best days of my life.

                                                                            Here are the rest of them..........
Big Little

Little J

Little G

Love them bigger than the moon!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Dedicated to Mallomars



Walk with me

So this word, Promenade, made me think about the walk we take in life and where it leads you.
You never know if the parking lot will be full and you will have to trek it to your destination, or if the parking garage will have a space right out front waiting for you to step out and arrive on the walk way.

 Do you know what I mean?
 Well, I felt this was a good topic to loosen my fingers.

For so long I just stepped out on the walkway,
 not because I was lucky, but because of the goals, I set and the efforts I made were being realized.
 I haven’t made any new goals other than completing day to day, week to week responsibilities,
and writing a book and because of this I've been trekking it!

(this is not necessarily bad as it is for my own growth...I understand this)

With some new tennis shoes and a quick step I am up for new challenges.

(from heels to flats to tennis shoes....that is a transformation)

Come walk with me for a while...

I recently have tried to align myself with people that I can learn something from or take cues. Such as, I am trying to be comfortable with going with the flow....”relaxing” as some people call it. When I went to Girls Camp this summer I was graced with a women who is the epitome of chillax, (chill and relax). I followed every cue and it truly helped.

I had the opportunity meet another woman, one I will call Mallomars. I was not sure the essence of her yet, but there was something about her and I am going to figure her out!

Have you ever met someone that just makes you feel comfortable; when they leave, you feel invigorated? This has happened a few times in my life and it happened recently.
 I hope she doesn't mind the game I play with names but, Mallomars seemed to fit.
 I will explain the reason for the choice later.

I will begin with this, I need to say that Mallomars makes me feel comfortable in my own skin and I am so appreciative of the generosity her soul has extended to mine. She gets me, she mirrors it back to me with out being like me. I think it is because she is so comfortable in her own skin. She can appreciate the differences she sees in others and at the same time, she has the wisdom to see the similarities. She is unique in the way that I am unique and we get each other’s spirit. I feel like I have known her for a long time and that if we didn't live so far away we would probably get together for lunch once a week. I would love to describe her character as...down to earth but with the vitality of a Greek goddess. She will and serve you fresh fruit until late morning and enjoy
So you think you can dance
previously recorded and admired again. She examines me through conversation and draw things out of me. I didn't know anyone else could really see me well enough to ask the questions she has. Suddenly I felt validated. Does this make sense? Have you ever met anyone like that? Rare indeed! If you have not, you will know when you do and I will most graciously lend you the name, Mallomars just for them.

Just for fun you can follow my mind on the name game.

Mallomars rare and hard to find

***side note***

The following day, I felt like getting dressed up... like in the good old days when I worked. The strong confident ME. Not many know me in this neck of the woods, outside of my cargo pants and t-shirts. They don’t know that I love to get dressed up and have great clothes in my closet...but today they will get a glimpse I thought as I left the house. However, as the day ended and my feet hurt in my heels in the gravel. With no where to go, it seemed pointless to continue with this promenade...
so back to cargo pants and t-shirts.

Something miraculous happened the next day
                                                       I felt just as strong and confident.

I finally realized, that the closet full of clothes; my suits, dresses, style and color are a part of me just as much as the very casual/comfortable cargo pants and t-shirts in muted colors.
 I am different and the same.
My clothes are covering my bones and I am taking a trek in my tennis shoes…
and once in a while I'll promenade in my heels. 

I also wanted to say to Mallomars,

if you read this...

that I really enjoyed the Promenade!

AND the next time we meet, I will make you some Mallomars!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Not just a road trip but a journey - dedicated to my Biggest Little

A road trip to take my daughter to Long Beach, CA for college.
This was not just a trip, but a journey.
She is in the drivers seat, which is represents a lot of things.
Such as, the most obvious...
The driver seat of her own life! I am the passenger, but not in the back seat. Instead I sit beside her.
I trust her driving as much as I trust her ability to make good decisions elsewhere.
She is cautious and courteous in both her driving and dealings with mankind.
When traffic was jammed and a little hectic, I did voice my opinion,
mainly with my grabbing the handle above my head.

At one time I told her I was not use to her car and how it slows down, speeds up, the movement of the clutch, the length/distance needed from her car to the next. She gently put her hand on my thigh and told me it was going to be OK. My child, now an adult is consoling me so sweetly, and then she tells me she realizes that people who don't drive her car...start over... she states; most people are used to driving their own car and that if it had been anyone else driving with her, she was sure they would have the same fears. She tells me that she is well aware of her circumstance; 
the car and surroundings and that she is fine, trying to put me at ease  and it works.
This reminds me of how in her life, she may do somethings that I don't understand her judgement or might be fearful of the direction she takes, and I need to remind myself that she knows what and why she is making that choice. (This is part of the letting go of the apron strings.)
Later, in much heavier and hectic traffic she was having reservations about getting into the next lane and asked if it was clear. I helped her by looking out my window-
putting my arm out after making eye contact with the driver in the next lane to let us merge over.
(Like a mother duck looking out for her ducklings...such a mom, I am.)
I hope and I am pretty sure I know that just like this situation, she will call and ask me if it is OK to
"change lanes" and I will look around and help guide her the best I can to get over, because a little change is a good thing and because we all need a little help sometime.
This is just the first part of our journey, as we still have more travels ahead and
I am privileged to be the passenger in my daughters life.

Post Script
I managed to get through the weekend with only a few tears at the airport,
 and texting goodbye and I love yous until the flight was ready for take off.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Celebrate what the Lord has given you


It has been quite some time since I really sat down and put my finger to the keys.
I have been busy. I planned a 3rd of July party, since the 4th was on Sunday and we observe the Sabbath. Shortly after school was out, I just decided it was time to celebrate something at our home. I sent out invitations to family members. It went something like this...because it is somebodies birthday, because someone is moving, getting glasses, driving or just because we love you...let's get together! Anxiously I waited to see if any would respond and the first was family from out of state! Pretty soon I was expecting about 50 family members. I had 3 weeks to prepare...until....a few days later and a few days before GIRLS CAMP, I was asked to fill in for someone who could not make it. This was a very last minute request to which I was happy to say yes. Not that I was dying to go after last year, but because it would be my Big Little's last year at camp and I could share it with her. I was a little worried because of all the things I wanted to do at home to prepare for my party (details about that later.)  But I must say CAMP was... to say the very least... fantastic! The girls were wonderful and their leadership was great. It was as if I was just supervising (which is how it should be, but this year it was like clockwork.) The Youth Leaders made all the decision,  motivated all the little first years to do chores and assignments, and they ALL had great attitudes. There was plenty of down time this year and the walking to and fro wasn't strenuous.  The adults were able to participate, in something that I have never done before, rock climbing and repelling. The 2nd to the last day was set aside for the women (to make sure all the girls were able to go first). I was a little nervous about repelling but knew I had to do it, as this opportunity was very rare for me. So all geared up and ready to go I started the climb downward to the flat rock in which I would face forward to the mountain and backward to the unknown. Now, too many little ones had gone before me and no one was hurt, so this settled my nerves a little. All I needed to do was trust the person holding the rope! I don't know how long the drop was,
I would say about 40 feet. I took it slow and yes I was scared, but at the same time I was excited.  I had a feeling inside my heart after repelling and then climbing up the mountain through caves and crevices. I felt the love of my Heavenly Father and as if for the first time I could really see the beauty that he has given us on this earth. The scenery was magnificent. I almost wanted to cry as I reached the top because of  this feeling that filled my soul. As I reached the top, I felt like I was HOME, and where I am and what I am doing is where I am suppose to be. Not climbing THAT mountain, but climbing the mountains of my everyday life. The drops down the mountain side, finding cracks to cling on to, the little crevices for my feet to help me move forward, the dark narrow caves and then the beautiful  rocks, tall trees,  deep river, and the white fluffy clouds in the sky. (There are so many analogies I could get into here, but I think you get it.)
He has given us such a beautiful world in which to live and he has given us the benefit of obstacles to climb.

 After that experience, I felt alive again. Rejuvenated.

I was ready for the tasks to come ahead. So, when I got home and the party was just 2 weeks away, I was set for action. I wanted my "yard", which is an understatement when you live in the country, to be magical with beautiful flowers and twinkle lights. But most of all, I wanted to get rid of all the WEEDS!!  This is a pretty big undertaking and I was happy to be ready for such a thing, the weather was uncharacteristic for the end of June. I was able to spend at least 4 to 6 hours everyday weeding.  A sense of accomplishment came over me as each section of my yard was cleared. Then, a neighbor came by to tell me that a nursery down the way was going out of business and that she just bought a bunch of flowers and plants for 75% off. Blessings come in mysterious ways. I purchased some plants and had my dad come over and help me put up some lattice and window boxes. yard was being transformed.

48 people came. They laughed, they played and had a great time. My littlest said, "They LOVED it!" and I think they did. ....oh and no one even noticed that I hadn't weeded the back part of my house. wink wink.

And so we celebrated...........

the boys

the girls

Uncle& Auntie

Mom & Dad




bro & sis

face painting

painting and play dough

3rd eye Math 


Mr. 4th
fun for all


 Bday bay and his cake

Uncle D


Thank you 

Thank you 

j & grandmacita

j & Grandpa J

Saying Goodbye to home, & hello to moving to Long Beach!

what up P?

Little sistas, Laughing at little ones

Roo & Mr. T



and that was that!

Love you All thanks for Celebrating with us!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Stephanie message

I know I haven't talked too much about Stephanie Nielson but I have mentioned her blog, nieniesdialouges, a few times. Her blog is inspiring. She is beautiful, heart and soul.

She was spotlighted in a Mormon Message. I thought you might like to see it.

Click on these words
and it should take you to the sight.

Please watch it, I know you will love it and then you'll be hooked.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Laugh, cry and dance! - Movie review

I have been keeping busy and this new routine of writing and it has kept me away from my blog.
You would think I would be writing here more, but this is not the case as you can see. 
I have been writing in notebooks and working on drafts in my 'Kitty'. 
Since this blog has never been a daily dairy of my life, I haven't really committed how frequently I would post... 
It has been a favorite place of mine to be with my thoughts and has allowed me the freedom to think  with out editing myself... instead of processing things before we say them and then changing the initial reality of our first thoughts. I,we, people usually change this to fit their first circumstances....Do you get what I am saying?.

Well, Today I wanted to share what I like...
my opinion and today it comes in the form of a movie review. 
Since most of my postings have to do with books I've read or movies I have seen, this is rolling with it. 

I am going to whisper to it, call it to my fingertips, and hope that the juices will flow.
As you know I am not a formal critic of movies and do not normally review them but this movie hit me.

 rated PG-13.

Just to let you know, I stopped the movie the first time I watched it. Once "he" was in his apartment with his exercise bike, yikes! I didn't want to venture forward, it seemed dark and I don’t like dark, then one day I was persuaded to try again, bored our of my mind and sick in bed.
I told myself that I would fast forward thru this part and see if it gets better.
(Kind of like Joe VS. The Volcano, the beginning is so dark and dreary, and the music stinks.
But, this my friend is only setting the scene for a journey that ends in joy and happiness!
Most people I know haven't seen 'J vs. The V' all the way through because of the beginning.
So, I felt I needed to give this movie another chance.)

WARNING…do not watch this if you have just lost a loved one,

Unless of course you haven’t cried yet and really, need too! WARNING

I love this movie in a way that not many will. I am sure at any other time in my life I may have even given it 2 thumbs down. I can only explain this by saying, if you hated football all your life and then your grandson became a Pro. Football player, you would end up loving football, you would even host a Super Bowl party and make buttons with your grandson picture and pass them out to everyone.

This is what I wrote in my blue notebook after watching the movie.

“Home is two places, a physical house for the body and a resting spot for the heart.

We all want to find this home.”


Claire makes a 'book or should I say map' for the man she loves.

This detailed map will guide him home.

She knows, he has many obstacles to overcome during his journey home and prepares a way for him.

She gives him this "book map", pages of instruction, places to see and things to do.

This is all to support him and guide him throw the distance he covers.

"Distance is also two different things,

Miles on the open highway, and space in the heart."

She put so much effort into this "book map" for him to reconnect with life

and his feelings and hopefully with her, and of course to DANCE.


Reminds me of the man upstairs who has a map for us,
 for much of the same purpose.
Connect with life, your spirit and your family and/or a spouse,
then to dance with it all...ALL OF IT!

Only when receptive to the plan, will we be led to our home of comfort and then eventually to his.

Watch it, get some kleenex, laugh, cry and maybe even dance!


Sunday, March 28, 2010

Hello again, Hello, just had to let you know....

Hello dear friends,

I have something to share. I am excited, as you all well has been awhile since I have been excited to the point of giddiness. Picture yourself twirling around, wind blowing in your hair, grinning from ear to ear. Sweetness! Now sit down and wait for your head to stop spinning. Oh, how the spinning can unwind you. Breathe. Smile and relax.
 That is it!
That's the feeling I get when I write.

So, here is my news. I mailed my first personal essay last Thursday to the California Writer's Club for review. I won't find anything out until June, but I feel optimistic! It is quite nerve racking to put yourself out there for scrutiny. I don't like being vulnerable, and I don't know many who do, but I needed to do this. The push was so strong; I could not stop myself if I wanted. I haven't shared too much with too many, but the journey I have been on, has made this seem natural.

I was listening to Dr. Laura (a radio show) the week before I finished my submission. She said that we are all afraid of something. When we see someone who seems to have it all together, he/she too, is scared of something. This is natural, normal, and very necessary. So, I say embrace the fear! Figure it out! Are you really going to die from it, and if so, wouldn't you want to do something about it even more! Fears are challenges, waiting to be confronted. Also, don't think you can sit back in a lazy chair afterwards, because one fear conquered means another fear is waiting for you. However, the good thing is that each "conquer" you are stronger, and soon you don't see them as fears, just annoying little pests in which you pick up the fly swatter and swat!

Therefore, although I feel good right now knowing that I faced a fear... I am now ready for the next fear. Let me first say "Ne ner Ne ner Ne ner, I mailed it. I mailed it"! Yeah, I took the first step, submitted a piece of work for review by a panel of authors and agents. The next step is to continue editing my novel from National Novel Writing Month... and researching while I wait for feedback.

Before I get too puffed up, I must admit that I didn't face my fears alone.
 I had my Savior by my side
 and the loving blessing of Brother Holland. That is another story, which I may share later.
I must, must say I can't do anything without saying many prayers.
I also need to give credit to a few close friends for encouraging me, for without their support, I am sure I would have not found the courage to venture forward.
A big Thank you to “KK”, for the fun night at Border's Books editing, and to “MV” for listening to my final draft the night before I mailed it. I then later shared it with HK and RA whom gave me great support.
Thank you!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Things, I think make my house smile!

I wonder what my house would say if it could talk.
I try to make it smile.
I think my little house in the country notices that....

I have way more time to enjoy the laundry.

When I fold the clothes, I think how grateful I am to have the time and energy

to fold them neatly and put them in stacks.

Sometimes, I think of putting in a little peice of paper shaped like a heart on top of the neatly folded clothes.

It would say:

Glad to serve you today.


I enjoy pulling out the Better Homes and Garden cookbook and creating a new meal.

Cooking from scratch, chopping and cutting, fruits and veggies, nut and grains all that good stuff.

I especially love when my Little says we should eat Royal tonight...which means we get out the china.

(Does not matter what we eat but last night we had chicken and rice with broccoli for our Royal dinner.)
We use the "wedding" crystal stemware and cloth napkins.

We had a toast and enjoyed a meal together by candlelight.

“Now that is Royal!” Little G says.

Little G came up with this idea all on her own.

She sets the table all on her own...except that I get the china out of the hutch.

She is so pleased with herself and loves how fancy it looks.

I also enjoy baking when it rains... and lately it has rained!
All but the last batch of cookies turned out just fine.
The last batch is on parchment paper as black as the night, when I burnt them.
It never fails I always burn one sheet of cookies!!!
Mr. D laughs at me and says he'd buy me an instant cookie maker like my rice maker if they made one.
We had a good laugh as he sees me run out of the house with the cookie sheet smoking.

I enjoy reading stories to the children after their bedtime routine.

They don't want me to stop...and instead of putting them to sleep, it keeps them awake.

We are currently reading the Laura Ingalls Wilder, Little House in the Big Woods.

Boy, talk about a mothers work...Ma's chores were brutal!

They ask me lots of questions...and I explain and I am so glad
I don't have to churn butter and salt meat.


I could think of more but I know your busy too.

So tell me.......
what makes your house smile?

(Leave a comment on my blog by becoming a follower.)


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I am A Mother

In April, I will be hosting a book club.

The book I have chosen is I am A Mother by Jane Clayson Johnson.

A couple of years ago my daughter and I went to "Time Out" for mothers and daughters.

Jane was one of the speakers and she was delightful.

Sometime afterward, my sister gave me this cute pink book written by Jane.

I flipped through it a couple of times but it did not call to me yet, it sat lonely by my bedside,
literally inches from my grasp for months.

When the announcement was made at church looking for hosts for a monthly book club I immediately thought of this book. I signed up and was then assigned April!

SO…I started to read it. I am surprised how it applies to me,

and how my roles have changed over the past year.

I have always prided myself as a mother but I always had other titles as well.

But now I can say:

Yes, I am a mother!

- Full time-

It must have been just the right time because it seemed fitting as I read it.

Let me give you some background.

I have always been a worker.

I have worked since I was 12.

I became a mother at 20 and worked.

Now at 40, I have calculated that I have worked about 28 years! - more than half of my life!

My first day as a mother, I was a worker too.

My boss brought my work to the hospital when my first child was born, and this set the tone.

I worked from home for 6 weeks and then took my baby with me to work.

I was working for a company that had contracted a job with the Defense Depot close to where I lived. When the contract was finished, I was offered to move to the next project in Hawaii. I said No.

Then I was home until I found a new job about 4 months later.

Then I worked as a single mother for a couple of years.

When Mister D and I got married, we started our own business, Universal Property and Estate Services! We worked together for about 6 months, it was so much fun, but it didn’t pay the bills or health insurance. He continued while I went back to the work. This new job was full- time -plus  (sometimes 50-hour weeks) coordinating loans for a Mortgage Company.

In this world, everything had a deadline, every detail was crucial. I was surrounded by words and numbers. Month end was crunch time, all the loans needed to be closed. Then at the beginning of the month we had to double check everything for compliance purposes.

This would require staying until complete and those days would last 10 hours.

Mister D picked the girls up from school.

He would be Mr. Mom, help them with their homework, and cook dinner.

He was doing all this while I sat in an office and worked on someone else’s’ "very important tasks".

(Oh dear)

When we found out, I was pregnant with our first child,
my Mister D said that he did not want me to work anymore.

He wanted me to stay home with the baby, I wasn't so sure.

I ended up on bed rest the month prior to the birth,...stir crazy happened sooner than I anticipated.

When he was born...I fell in love...I read to him all the time. It seemed like he was always nursing or sleeping and I was always reading...I went through most of Jane Austen's works...the ones I owned and then 6 weeks post labor, I wanted to go back to work.

The girls occupied my time as well, but when they were in school, I was bored!

Crazy, I know but that is the life I knew for so many years. I went to my boss and even asked if I could just bring my little one, (as I did once before). I told him my baby slept most of the day,
I had a private office...I could just bring a playpen.
Sadly, he said, NO.

I then cleaned the house, like room after another, and then going back again to see if I forgot anything. Just at this time Donny Osmond came out with his diagnosis for OCD and I felt akin.

So...that was not good thing! I forced myself to stop being so crazy about the cleaning

and figured out what I could do to keep me busy, that seemed less crazy!

I SAT DOWN...without a book...

and turned on the TV. Flipping through channels, I discovered Martha Stewart.

Ah, she is a different kind of crazy, but one that I would feel more comfortable emulating.

I would watch her show and then write down the recipes, this was way before I was Internet savvy.

Then whatever she made that morning at 10am I would make at lunchtime if Mister D could come home, or I would make it for dinner. I learned quite a bit from her.

This went on for a while until one day I slipped while carrying Little J, and trying to protect my babies' head I reached out to catch myself and hyper-extended my thumb and had to have two pins put in my hand. My hand throbbed and cooking wasn't as enjoyable. Not being able to open a jar or cut food and stir...pretty much meant cooking was out, at least for a while.

Then we moved....that's another story.

Then, I was contacted by a colleague who needed a Liaison, simply a go meet with clients when she couldn't and I could take my little one with me. YEAH! I was a worker again.

(OK...So if you've always been a mom, you are probably thinking I am crazy
but, if you are a worker or ever have been, I think you'll completely understand.)

From there I ended up working with several different Real Estate Finance companies.

Then when Little J was 2 1/2, I started working for World Financial Group servicing their mortgage clients and then later received my license as a California Life Agent. I would work from home; coordinate with Lenders and clients, on my time and took the amount of workload I desired.

I thought this was the bee’s knees!

I was able to do all the motherly things and when the kids were in school and Little G was taking a nap I could work and then in the evenings when Mister D got home I would work 2 nights and early Saturday mornings. This went on for 7 years, until the market took a dive and Lending criteria changed and then a death in the family and then a move and now I am here.


but working over time in the home front, as a MOM!

I have finally settled into being a full time Mother and I Love it!

Even though I have thought about working again…
I have thought WAY more about having another baby
or what to fix for dinner
or how to make the house smile with happiness.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Precious Moments

2010 began beautifully!

Amoungst a group of friends the day before my birthday,
I was asked to make a birthday wish when I blew out my candle...

I wished for precious moments instead of things,
and time to spend with my loved ones
celebrating anything and everything!

Here are some precious moments that happend the next day when Mr. D took me
on a "holiday special".
Pacific Grove

The best Chinese restaurant ever is in Carmel, Tommy Wok rocks!!

Asilomar Beach at sun down

We went to the movies and then made it to Baskin Robbins just before it closed... 2nd scoop 99 cents!!

The next morning with the top down. The weather was beautiful!
My Mr. D!

The Paris Bakery! oh my goodness, the chocolate criossants are heavenly!

Used bookstore...was closed...darn...they had Kipling in the window! (my set is older)

This just goes to show what great fun we have together.
Now, I do not like this picture but the fact that Mr. D wanted me to try this fur coat on so bad was worth it!
He said if it didn't smell like cat pee and was $100.00 less he would have bought it!! LOL!!
Oh, Brother!! I tried on jackets while he picked them out...He bought a jacket. I bought shoes!!
I have passed by this garden store many times and always wanted to go in, but not with all the kids.
Well, wala.. we went. I now know that I have mexican sage...tons of it right out my back door.

We took a walk along the beach. The weather was fantastic, 70 degrees in January!

Mr.D put my camera on the timer and we took some pictures on the rocks.

We made a rock sculpture like always..
It represents our family being together even when we are apart.

After this we walked back leisurely and drove home.... off into the sunset.

Just when I thought it couldn't get better........

When we got home my Biggest Little, Big Little, Little J and Little G cleaned the house and made a me a birthday cake.
My camera battery was dead by then, but Big Little did a fantastic job... she followed the recipe for her grandmother's chocolate frosting and it turned out marvelous.

These truly were precious moments.