Thursday, May 10, 2012

Little J took a picture of Little G and me!
                                      Little G took a picture of Little J and me!

It seems I am still surprised at the miracle that is growing inside me. She is kicking,  rollling, nudging and hiccuping all inside me. I am anxious about the  labor and the birth process even though I have done this is always a different experience.
I keep reminding myself that the pain is all worth it for this 'Little'  to be here, apart of our family.
I think of how close she must be to my loved ones that have passed, and wish she could talk and tell me all about it when she gets here. When I hold her for the first time, I imagine the love I will feel not only because I am so glad she is here, but because of all the hugs she will receive as she leaves heaven. The love given to her will will peirce my heart when I hold her.

I can't wait to see her,
hold her,
 smell her,
 name her,
 love her. 

This hasn't been the easiest pregnancy, but it will be worth it! 
I probably won't remember that I could barely walk with varicose veins and a recent hernia, I probably won't remember going stir crazy in bed and being fatigued and I won't remember all the pain of labor and delivery.

I will remember the gratitude that fills my heart, for the opportunity to house this little one, for the opportunity my Father in Heaven is giving me, to take care of one of his own.
She will be apart of our family here on earth, but I believe in a bigger picture, she has a family larger than I can imagine...generations of  my people, ancestors, have gone before her, and we are all connected by a Heavenly Father and Mother who loves us. 

Our family is blessed just as everyone here on earth before and after us.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

change is the only predictable thing

Thinking about life and how things change, sometimes slowly and sometimes fast remind me of the waiting I am doing now, waiting for this precious 'little' to be born.
I don't know when she will be here, how long, difficult or easy labor will be, but it will happen.  This is the same knowledge I have about many things in life...I don't know how long it will take to realize the goals and dreams that I have for my family, I don't know how hard it will be to accomplish them or sometimes how easy they may come,
but I have faith and hope that it will happen in it own due time.

I used to set goals all the time. It started when I was a youth, I was involved in a program called Personal Progress. The idea was to set goals in different "values" such as faith, divine nature, individual worth, knowledge, choice and accountability and good works. They still have this program today and they have added integrity.
Some goals would be small like cleaning the kitchen for my family for a month in the category of good works and others would be a longer range goal such as reading the bible cover to cover for faith.

 As an adult, in my work environment, goal setting became the most effective way for me to accomplish things. Almost, everything I set, I reached. As this happened more and more often I started setting goals for my family. I would make a list of 10 things at a time.  One time it was to get braces, another was to pay off all our debt, another was to go to Disneyland without having to put anything on credit.  We were able to do all those things within a short period of time.  I was working then and it was easier to accomplish those monetary things. I would put money away, try to see what little I could purchase during the month to save even more. My oldest children remember eating peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner, for like a week, before we went on our first trip to Disneyland. :)  Several years later, I worked really hard and earned $10k in commissions in one month, one of the incentives was to take my then 3 children to Disneyland and purchase a "3year new" vehicle for my husband.  We went to Disneyland and still stayed in a small hotel and did it on the cheap, but we stayed a little longer.

Officially being a stay at home mom for 4 years now, my goals have changed. Being the best mother and wife I can be and conserving as much as possible seem to be the greatest and biggest things I can accomplish.

I shop a lot less, this is probably the hardest thing because I love fashion; shoes, clothes and decor. For example I have bought only 1 pair of shoes since I have been pregnant and only purchased 2 long sleeve and 2 two short sleeve shirts a pair of maternity jeans a a non maternity dress that I refashioned so I could wear all nine months...being black I am able to swith out accessories, oh the joy of the pregnancy.

 Big Little remarked that she hadn't seen me wear sweats so much in my life. Well, I have to say that staying home instead of working in an office requires a lot less effort in getting ready and since I haven't been very mobile, comfort has been more important.  I received some hand me downs from my younger sister and for those times that I need to be a little more pulled together, I go to her peices.  

Another thing I try to do is reuse things and be creative with the Littles.  You would be surprised how much entertainment a simple shoe box has. ;)  just add tape, scissors, matieral scraps and Little G's imagination.... and wala a hour later..... a fairy house is established! She has tons of these little homes under her bed.

One of Little G's fairy houses.

Celebrating moments are important and one way of doing this with flair is creating a special banner just for the occassion.  It is cheap, easy, and in no time...lots of personality...

You can't see this very well but it says Happy Birthday.

 I am learning, and trying to teach my Littles to be grateful for everything we have. I recently saw a phrase from the great depression , "Use it up, Wear it out, Make it do, or do without."  I am trying to make this my motto.

I  also make things out of Mister D's old work shirts. This little penquin pillow was made from a black and white striped button down shirt and some remnant fabrics. The children like the items I use from their daddy's clothes becasue it's special and unique.

I didn't know what to buy a friend of mine who is due to have her baby boy very soon....and not being able to just go to the store as easily.... I had to be crafty.

I looked at her baby shower invitation and had a thought and then made this pillow.

 We don't have a lot of space so we don't accumulate or add things like we did in our last home where there was always space to fill. What we have, is what we need, everything has a purpose or a sentimental attachment. This makes living more meaningful as we carefully chose what we want to bring into our house and lives.

Other than small items like plants, picture frames, candles and a few holiday items, I haven't purchased very many accessories in the last 4 years. When I want to change something for a season, I usually change things by making pillow covers  and changing picture frames and adding holiday decor from years gone by.

When I look at my home, I think of love. I think of family...isn't that what most people think about their own home?..isn't that what is most important?  Sure, I love the all the different inspirational designs I see on the world wide web and admire them but I am content.  Yes, I would love new carpet and windows and an air conditioner, and if I were to dream big, a remodeled kitchen! But it isn't that important right now, I think when it is, then it will happen.

My goal right now is to have this baby, get through the summer heat, enjoy all my Littles,  Play, Create and Love! 

All the waiting will happen and change is the only predictable thing.